致命的大錯(cuò)
"finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10."
"qualifications: no education or experience."
"i am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy."
"my compensation should be at least equal to my age."
"reason for leaving: it had to do with the irs, fbi and sec."
"fired because i fought for lower pay."
"size of employer: very tall, probably over 6’5" .
" "please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date."
"reason for leaving: my boss said the end of the world is near."
"reason for leaving: the owner gave new meaning to the word ’paranoia.’ i prefer to elaborate privately."
打字錯(cuò)誤與語法錯(cuò)誤
"here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
"strengths: ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
"i am a rabid typist."
"work history: performed brain wave tests,1879-1981."
"after receiving advice from several different angels, i have decided to pursue a new line of work."
"accounting cleric."
"as indicted, i have over five years of experience analyzing investments."
"suspected to graduate early next year."
"disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
"proven ability to track down and correct erors."
"accomplishments: oversight of entire department."
"am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
"accomplishments: completed 11 years of high school."
不應(yīng)有的幽默
"note: keep this resume on top of the stack. use all others to heat your house."
"assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting." (translation: short-order cook.)
"but wait...there’s more. you get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature."
"i have an excellent track record, although i am not a horse."
"my fortune cookie said, ’your next interview will result in a job’-and i like your company in particular."
"title: another resume from the ’profiles in excellence’ series."
"also known as: mr. productivity, mr. clever, mr.fix-it."
"trustworthy references available upon request-if i give them a few bucks."
"let’s meet so you can ’ooh’ and ’ahh’ over my experience."
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